Founding meeting of the Party of Pirates of South-East Europe (in the rest of the text PPooSEE) with headquarters in Banja Luka was convened. Omitting the first two letters will not be considered accidental.
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The Assembly was held in the underground in one of Banja Luka pubs. (In what pub, we donít disclose for now, after winning the election there will be a memorial plaque placed. About the inscription on the plaque will decide history and the best offer. So far, the highest price offered is three free dinners for six people, without drinks, which were rejected with disgust.)
After determining a quorum, a verification commission has determined that three party members are present in person at the Assembly, and few hundred by televoting and in minds of the three which are present in person. As the virtual space of Internet is legitimate, unanimous conclusion was that the necessary legitimacy is established and that a quorum exists.
The first item was the adoption of the agenda. The agenda was adopted by outvoting from the conservative wing, therefore, as item zero was adopted lambchops and cold beer.
Then, by the schedule, came the election of working committees. It was unanimously adopted that all present members will be declared partisans, and get the Olympic pensions. Initiative of the young pirates to declare themselves as barbudos was rejected as ultra-left; but it is accepted that the dissenting opinion must be recorded in the Assembly log and it is done.
Working presidency briefly withdrew to the hall, as the session began on the terrace. It is not true that this happened because of rain, the reason is more serious; some members have complained that the waiter ignores them by the orders of the regime. The session was continued in the hall.
As the third item was the election of the President, Gensec and the Commissioner for Public Relations.
A minor change in grammar was issued. In the future, nouns president with a capital P, gensec with a capital G and commissioner with a capital C, will refer to the PPooSEE party officials. This amendment is binding.
All students who are not respecting this will be considered as enemies of the pirates and recorded as such. The records would be deleted in case of bribing the teachers, or anyone else who deserved it.
Because of confidentiality was decided that the names of elected officials will be encoded by the method of random sampling. Party sympathizers, through e-mail and unverified rumors will be notified about elected officials private accounts to send expressions of support.
The public and others will for now recognize the top leaders by their illegal names that will be used in future correspondence with the public.
President of the party is comrade Spaniard. As you know, comrade Spaniard, one of the first pirates of the Balkans that became known to the general public in 1996, as one of the co-owners of the first pirate CD club in Banja Luka. Five years he successfully resisted, windswept by the imperialist corporations false copyright guards Millennium hysteria. He retired undefeated from the first line in 2003, leaving the market to the Bulgarian comrades, who, until joining the European Union, ruled supreme on the pirate front of the Balkans.
There was discussion on the selection of name
and surname of the President. Very quickly two proposals emerged. The
first was that it be Mile Dodik. The second was that it be Josip
Broz. Since it was lunch time the Assembly
was left without a quorum, so it was decided that a decision about
whether to call the president Mile Dodik-Spaniard, or Joseph
Broz-Spaniard, will be
Walter is elected for the gensec. Comrade Walter is comrade Spaniardís comrade, and his primary obligation is to attract vegetarians in the party. The role of vegetarians is well known in the history, so we hope that we can in this way protect ourselves against attempts to blunt partyís revolutionary blade. Name of the Gensec will be determined after the name of the President. In the operative papers until then the name Pope Walter XIII will be used.
Commissioner for Public Relations is comrade Bakunin. It is decided that due to confidentiality his (my) name will not be revealed in public. He will communicate with the public through the Announcements, which all must adhere. In case you donít understand the announcements as a serious and required, you have to pay for the consequences.
First measure of retribution for disrespect of the Announcements is a curse: Got a mortgage loan! In the case of particularly insolent refusal a harsher curse is provided: Loose your Internet connection!
Final sanction is: Let your PC, TV and cellphone drop dead! We know that this looks too radical, but revolution requires sacrifice, after all, one of the american comrades said long ago: you canít make the omelette if you donít scramble few eggs.
Therefore, we recommend to all: Watch your eggs.
As concluding provision of the Assembly, it is adopted that on the next session of the working Presidency, which consists of President, Gensec, Commissioner and unspecified number of appointed members, party symbols (emblem, anthem and flag) will be defined. The session will be held at the encoded location Guantanamo-Guyana-Tunjice, which should be determined by the security services.
Proposed symbols are suckle and slammer. Explanation: 1. After a good suckle everything is easier. 2. There will always be someone to put you in the slammer.
Proposal for emblem is hump. Explanation: All those who fight for justice, sooner or later become hunchbacked.
Proposal for the anthem: the first stanza of the American national anthem and the second stanza of the International. Explanation: Let the Turks do not understand, God save the Queen, our protector.
Proposal for the flag: underpants on a stick. Clarification is not needed.
In Banja Luka, June 2009.
Join the pirates, there are some of us who donít have.
Authorized by the President and all members, this announcement is recorded and delivered to the public as such.
Note to the copyright purists:
There is no copyright protection over this announcement, and it is desirable to copy and expand it through the whole universe, via the Internet and xerox machines. If you want to improve the text without changing his meaning, do so freely, the only requirement is to indicate this by changing the version. If you want to change the meaning, it is your responsibility to change the number of Announcement. In both cases it is preferable just to specify the source, and that are we: PPooSEE.
Our choice for the first public presentation is www.blinfo.info which Banja Luka Manifesto we see as a ludistic-utopian declaration, but we donít deny its good intentions and a certain lucidity. In this way we declare blinfo portal Al-Jazira of PPooSEE.