The enemies and few friends have successfully deceived and we managed to organize the Congress, for which we can safely say that nobody knew. Conspiratorial success is so great that even now, when itís over many donít know that it was held. As usual, political enemies took over and stole the idea from us, and have held elections by a similar recipe. Fortunately for us, elections took place almost simultaneously with our Congress and our victorious euphoria could be neither sanctioned nor understood. And we had reason to be euphoric.
Again, we won and accomplished our goals.
Our main goal is to stay away from the power. So we have skipped these elections, leaving all other parties to fight for power. We will assume power when we asked nicely. And they will ask for sure, because nobody needs this kind of power.
Congress took two days. It was concluded that the location of the Congress will not be publicly disclosed for reasons explained in the Announcement no.1.
The first day was designed to verify the credentials and preliminary assembly that determined the agenda and working bodies of Congress. Applications have been completed at noon when the Assembly began its work with an aperitif. All were consuming local aperitifs, even the worldly and honored guests were satisfied with the offered cornel and pear brandies.
After aperitifs started a selection of snacks and slogans. On the proposal of the President, as a slogan was unanimously elected the thesis of the comrade Mao: "even a kick in the ass is a step forward".
Contrary to popular belief that here rules the
single-mindedness, during the choosing a snack there was a sharp
polarization. In the end, compromise prevailed;
younger than forty were allowed pork with beer, and older were limited
on donuts and salad (of course Russian), and with two glasses of light
wine, not older than three years. Resistance of the older, more
conservative wing was cut by the Gensec citing the directive received
after Oktoberfest. Comrades from
Snack had beneficial effects, so the fruitful discussions started on the boards and tables. There was even a case of serious discussion under the table. We know a malicious interpretation of this case, so we will clarify that decantation doesnít mean that they were drinking buckets, but the wine was opened earlier (fr. dťcanter -to pour). Comrade Tchombe has brought a small 25-liter canister of rose wine for the occasion, which was held under the table, and some inexperienced youth joined him. Clash of beer, wine and youth has led to an unusually lively discussion on whether to eat on an empty stomach. The final conclusion of this session is that the soda is better with wine than mineral water.
On some tables there was a preliminary discussion about the lack of women in politics, and lately in sex too. The topic itself is imposing its actuality and threatened to deviate. Again, Gensec calmed the passions, especially to the comrade Vicky who played inspirational čoček dance on the table. Gensec dismissed such demonstration as premature and inconsistent with the concept of human and womenís rights. As an example of positive discrimination he stressed the proposal that a number of younger activists, Vicky above all, should be co-opted into the Central Committee and Politburo, tomorrow at the Congress.
After snack working lunch began. Lunch was strictly by protocol: the sour soup, veal and stuffed peppers, stewed quince and coffee. For those on a diet fish program was prepared: perch in cream. Lunch itself didnít last longer than an hour and a half, but with a welcoming toasts just over five hours.
The first toast,
Be well godfather, held an
honored guest from
Seventh and final toast, as it should be, gave the host, the President. We have suffered as much as we could, and we endured as we know best. Inspired, and in only half an hour he explained the current situation as The best of all possible, because it can always be worse. His final words: We donít dream of a better life, we have open our eyes, are welcomed with standing ovations.
As was already dark, it was announced that a session is interrupted, and Congress will continue tomorrow.
Some of our comrades have shown and proven its own strength, and at their own initiative continued to work in subcommittees to the morning hours. Especially fruitful and successful was session gathered around the comrade Vicky.
The next day, Congress has
begun his work with anthem. It was noted that many only a yawn,
not sing, so in the opening words comrade Spaniard pointed out that it
is necessary to intensify the sale of promotional materials and, among
others, the anthem. We shouldnít just rely on the pirates, a
professional approach is also needed, professional revolutionaries were
overcome, Ne smijemo se osloniti samo na pirate, potreban je i
profesionalan pristup, profesionalni revolucionari su prevaziđeni, but
even now you can live from politics. The
two ways concept, piracy and
commercial, come to life with the comrades in
The Congress began with 7 verified and 294 virtual delegates which makes us one of the most democratic parties in the region, since in the party's highest body (Congress) we have all active members.
After the anthem working session began, which started with Presidentís (already mentioned) Introductory word, which grew out to an introductory exposť. Like it was explained in it, this Congress of PPooSEE is about to be founding, electoral and historical. Leading theme in the exposť was: from now on it doesnít matter not only how, but what we do, it is enough that we benefit from it. President with due reverence referred to earlier works of comrade Machiavelli, emphasizing that only this thesis completes his thought.
At the end of the exposť he welcomed (by name) all the high guests. The First Congress of PPooSEE was attended by representatives of 178 countries and organizations including: FIFA and UEFA, representatives of the Champions League and the UN, and the commissioner of the Warsaw Pact.
Most of the guests, representatives of the fraternal parties, was on the level of unknown, future presidents, and for reasons of their safety, their IP addresses will not be published. Whether they exist, it is only important in the real world from which we are currently excluded.
As the main organizer, the President has acted out of the shadows, not wanting to emphasize his role, and remained only at the Introductory exposť. The perfect organization of the Congress has confirmed his dominant and leading role in PPooSEE, and beyond.
Exposť ended with a short, ten minute applause and standing ovations to us, Him and them.
After Introductory words, the President gave the floor to Gensec, who filed a report on our success in the elections that have just been completed.
In these elections we are not participated. We cunningly announced the seizure of power, and gave up. In this way, we fully achieve our goals. In fact, we proved that we are more honest and better than others. As 44% of citizens did not participate in the elections, we rightly believe that they are with us. And so we have the right to claim to be absolute winners. If those who had gained the formal confidence recognize that, they can call us to rule.
We are ready, said the Gensec in a thundering voice, interrupted by standing ovations.
If we are not to be invited, let them know that we have our own people in their ranks. These are the ones that undermine their system, working for yourself and us. And let them know, they work mainly for themselves and are difficult to identify.
We can and we work around the clock. With the new standing ovations, this time bolstered by Vicky, who readily and unkemptly confirmed this Gensecís thesis, was completed this inspired presentation, which was accepted under the name: How to gain power without a revolution and the elections.
As next, a word is given to the Commissioner for Public Affairs. His long-awaited report on the state of revolution and piracy in our country and the world, is awaited with particular attenton.
He started with an intriguing and shocking fact that we are tricked in Geneva, and from three political patents, only the Bare-assed hunger strike in front of the UN building in New York City was registered and allowed.
The same strike are not registered and verified as ours, but it is permitted in Europe, especially Southeast Europe. Reasoning that it is part of the historical folklore of Europe looks amateurish.
The second patent: I will and I can work honestly, was returned for revision and we expect that our committee "The dreams of working people," will revise it.
In particular, utopian and revisionist thesis about the possibility of the good life from work, should be taken into account.
Since the third patent is rejected, our comrades will continue to work on it, but for now we will only disclose that it is about ways how to make corruption human.
Recalling the views from the Announcement no.2 in relation with the Millennium experiment and the incredible fact that children even today are dying of hunger, the Commissioner appealed to all, not just to the intellectuals present at Congress, to consider whether they are sold and why. His suggestion is to never go below cost, which is known: 1/7 of ministerial salary plus a bribe for a trainee. The Commissioner said that he knew the objections that shouldnít be one seventh of salary, but we need to seek and achieve a transparent and clear relationships.
The Commissioner also commented on the personnel policy and co-opting of the comrade Jovandeka in the Politburo. For the uninitiated, Jovandeka is known as "the mill of every grain" and his joining our party demonstrates its foresight and our perspective. His stunt, when he became director of the company, which is in an earlier investigation declared by him fraudulent, deserves entry into the political theory. This is an example of political dogma, which deserves to be declared fully rounded and closed, if not imprisoned. Such staff rightly strikes fear into our opponents, and to clarify what "the mill of every grain" means: We will crush you, Jovandeka is with us ..
Since the founding Congress to this first, regular, renewing and historic one, we have strengthened in all respects. In numbers, ideologically and morally. We are stronger than ever.
The claim that the leadership appropriated all the money is not true, they took only what has been entrusted by the membership and not guarded.
The Commissioner also commented on the youth. We need young people, because we will not be able to enjoy retirement, if they are not will be there. Young people are the first pillar of intergenerational solidarity, the only problem is that they want to work. Our program is that certain individuals should be enabled to do so. For now, our children and children of our people, and, later, who comes on line.
Great applause to the Commissioner meant support not only to him but also to the previous policy.
After reports came a short break as preparation for discussion and electoral part of the Congress. The discussion was brief and meaningful. As expected, no one opposed the opinion of the principal officials.
Informative discussion of the main party treasurer, who reported on the positive result within the party, drew special attention. The marketing principle of selling off the ideas is accepted even by the incompetent government and that is generating the most revenue. Pins, badges and flags are sold to sympathizers, and CDs with revolutionary music and the party hits are distributed on pirate way.
Thesis Those who donít eat are hungry was included in the final documents of the Congress with a note Those who donít have a flat are homeless. Anti-thesis Eat cakes is rejected on the recommendation of Health Commission.
Will be remembered and recorded the half-hour speech of the comrade Ruffleballs, in which he managed to say nothing. We are aware that this approach to problems will be copied by many parties, but we proclaim (urbi et orbi) that we are the founders of this innovative approach.
Guests present were all in sympathy with our leaders, so their speeches no one has listened. It is known that foreigners come here because the best food is here. The vast majority confirmed it here, on mutual satisfaction. When they learned that there will not be a luncheon, nearly all of them were seamlessly, swiftly and promptly left the Congress, which gave it the additional importance. Here the main treasurer showed brilliant skill, no luncheon, but there was an informal dinner. So the rumor about skipping the lunch contributed to the financial consolidation of the party treasury.
Discussion after the Leadersí speeches did not make sense, so it is accessed to the election of the Main Board, President, Gensec and Commissioner of Public Affairs.
And here also we have verified the superior democracy. From the 301 accredited delegates for complete proposed package voted 305, against was 4, 204 abstentions and invalid ballots 180. Mathematics and common sense say that it is impossible, but while we are here, so it will be: Who wins has a right to be happy.
Survey Committee was established with a mission to find out who were the four against. It is suspected that they were inserted provocateurs, but let the official authorities find the truth, and until then we will respect the presumption of innocence.
Congress is concluded in the early afternoon by the President, who thanked the delegates on behalf of elected officials and invited the delegates to the gala dinner.
P.S. About the gala dinner and the incident after the gala dinner
There is no reason to write about the gala dinner in this Announcement. We will just mention that the rumors about it are exaggerated. It is true that the organs of law inforcement reacted, and forcefully declared closing with the excessive use of force, but that's part of political folklore. It is not true that the all seven delegates are detained, five broke through barricades and Gensec remained on post in an attempt to protect Vicky. The President withdrew earlier with dignity and he has four witnesses for that.
In Banja Luka, October 2010.
Join the pirates, there are some of us who donít have, and kick in the ass is a step forward!
Authorized by the president and all the delegates, this announcement is recorded as an official congressional PPooSEE document and delivered to the public as such.